We do this because we know that in order to catch you, we have to impress you. So allow us to impress. Say things like, "Wow, how did you get into that field? Maybe you can even see yourself helping him study or being there for him at graduation and giving him suggestions for how to transform himself from the blue-collar worker who installs the cable to the engineer who helps build the technology for the cable company.
But if you ask him what his short-term goals are, and he tells you something crazy, like "I'm in street pharmaceuticals, and right now I have one block but my goal in the next few years is to have ten blocks on the west side from Henry Street to Brown Street," well, then you know right then and there that you can go on ahead and keep it moving. The same applies to the man who states his short-term goals, but clearly has no plan to implement them.
For instance, if he says his dream is to be a producer, but he's not doing anything in the field to actually become one—he's not interning or working for a film com-pany, he's not writing or reading any scripts, he's not making any connections in the industry that might open some doors for him, he hasn't worked for four months and has no prospects of a job in the field he says he's interested in—then you know this man doesn't have a plan.
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And if he doesn't have a plan, he's not going to achieve his short-term goal—or it's really not a goal, he's just talking out of his behind. Either way, you may not want to sign up for his plan. Just stick to your own. Trust me on this: It means he has foresight, and he's plotting out the steps to his future.
If he says something silly like "I'm just trying to make it day by day," run. If his long-term plan is the same as his short-term plan, get out. Because his answer tells you that he hasn't thought his life through, or he doesn't see you in it and so he has no reason to divulge the details to you. All he's got for you is game. If he doesn't have a plan, why do you want him to stick around, anyway? The man you should consider spending a little time on is the one who has a plan—a well-thought-out plan that you can see yourself in.
Because please believe me when I tell you—and like I told you in an earlier chapter—a man always has a plan. I know I did when I first started working as a comedian. Still, I wanted to become a headliner, and I upped the ante: It took me about eight years, but I managed to meet my financial goal—and I was happy about that, too. And I knew I wanted a piece of that action. His success made me realize that there was something to this comedy thing—that I needed to set in place a long-term plan that would afford me the kind of life I could see was possible for a comedian.
I envisioned my life this way, and then created a plan for how I was going to get it. Now, I knew it wasn't going to be easy—that it would take time, because there were very few comedy clubs where you could make that kind of money, and you had to have the right connections and a great team to help get you there. But the point is, I had a long-term plan, with steps on how I was going to get there.
Question No. 1: What Are Your Short-Term Goals?
Eventually, I reached those goals and then some. Once you hear your potential mate's answer to questions number one and number two, you'll have a firm understanding of the kind of man you're dealing with. Do not tie your life together with a human being who does not have a plan, because you'll find out that if he's not going anywhere, sooner or later, you'll be stuck, too. Now this one is a multiple-part question that sizes up how a man feels about a gamut of relationships—from how he feels about his parents and kids to his connection with God.
Each answer will reveal a lot more about him—whether he's serious about commitment, the kind of household in which he was raised, what kind of father and husband he might be, whether he knows the Lord, all of that. And the only way you'll find out the answers to these questions is to ask. Do it before you kiss this man, maybe even before you agree to go on a date with him—this is a great phone conversation, for sure.
And don't be shy or nervous about asking these questions, either, because what are you supposed to be doing with this man if not talking to him? If he has a problem talking about this right here, then something's wrong. First, find out how he feels about family. What are his views on it? Does he want a family?
How does he feel about children? If you have a child, tell your man about him or her—it's his business to know, but more important, it's your business to find out if he sees himself being a father. If he doesn't want kids and you do, then you can stop all of this right now. Please know that if a man says he doesn't want kids, he's probably not going to change his mind, regardless of the intensity of his feelings for you. Moreover, if he doesn't like kids and you already have them, where, exactly, is this relationship going? Next, ask him about his relationship with his mother. It's the first relationship a man has with a woman, and if he has a good track record with her, then chances are he knows how to treat a woman with respect and has some kind of idea of how to profess, provide, and protect not only a woman but a potential family, too.
We learn to protect her and provide for her; we learn about the basic core of love for a woman from her. Indeed, if a man is at odds with his mother, it's a safe bet that he's going to be at odds with you.
Top Dating Tips for Women By a Man | The Soulmates Blog
If you hear any part of "Man, me and my mother? We just don't get along. After you find out how he feels about his mother, ask him about his father. If he had a great relationship with his dad, then he was probably raised with a core set of values that he'll bring to your potential home together. Now, I understand that a whole host of men grew up without fathers in their households, but chances are that the man you're interested in had a male role model in his life who showed him the ropes of manhood, or perhaps the absence of his own father taught him a few things about what he doesn't want to do when he becomes a father.
At any rate, ask questions about his relationship with his father, and his answers are bound to reveal the kind of father he just might turn out to be. You're also going to have to ask him about his relationship with God. Let me be direct: After all, what moral barometer does he answer to if not to God?
What's going to make him even consider being loyal to you? What's going to make him do right by you and the kids? What's going to make him feel whole? I'm not saying that you shouldn't date a man who doesn't go to church, or who has a different belief system than you. But if his core beliefs don't match up with yours, you're likely to have a problem. These next two questions should be asked after you've been talking and dating for a while. Ideally, ask them before you have parted with the cookie y'all know what I mean.
If you have already had a sexual encounter with the man, you can ask these questions anyway. The answers may hurt a little bit more, but at least you'll know.
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You could be the most perfect woman on the Lord's green earth-you're capable of interesting conversation, you cook a mean breakfast, you hand out backrubs like sandwiches, you're independent which means, to him, that you're not going to be in his pockets - but if he's not ready for a serious relationship, he going to treat you like sports fish. You start catching the feels? Ask where things are headed or if things will ever get serious between the two of you.
And with that comes…. Or have you ever thought to yourself that you lead yourself on the most? Stop imagining yourself with the guy who only wants to hangout with you incoherently on the weekends. If he doesn't automatically open the door for you, stand by the darn thing and don't get into the vehicle until he realizes he needs to get out of the driver's seat and come around and open the car door for you. Need a refresher course on what you really deserve? They pay for your meal, they take you to a movie.
No man or woman is perfect, but find someone whose flaws are imperfectly perfect to you. Be who you are and Mr. Right will love you for that specific reason. Then you become a teenager. You're still a bit 'idealistic' so you only edit your list a just little bit within reason. Then you become an "adult". You start getting wiser and therefore more 'realistic' so you start telling yourself it's okay if he's just tall, good looking, fears God, has money and loves you to pieces.
Then you become a full grown, blossoming woman and, with no prospects in the horizon, you start negotiating with yourself like "okay maybe he doesn't have to be tall. It's not like there are any tall guys in my life anyway. I'll just manage good-looking, has a stable job and God fearing". And that's how the standards keep decreasing with each passing year until eventually you have no standards whatsoever and all you want is a man who breaths air.
Men know that dating as freely as possible is the easiest way to find the right fit. They know a big secret that most ladies know as well but try to ignore; dating is a numbers game. That's the real reason a lot of girls marry men who are much older than them. Those guys were busy sampling and analysing every available fish in the sea so that when they finally meet The One, The Keeper, they know exactly what she looks like and they go straight for her.
Meanwhile we ladies just see a man who's willing to put a ring on it and bam!!
Excerpt: 'Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man'
He becomes The One. No thought to our own happiness. We just manage to be relatively happy and that's good enough. I know a lot of girls who started dating guys they met within the first semester of higher institution. Those couples stayed together throughout our university years and even past graduation. They posted engagement pictures on every social media platform available shortly after graduating and, before you said jack, they were married.
I don't know about you girls but with each passing year of this decade, my personality has changed drastically. My interests, values, goals and even my attitude have all gone through major metamorphosis. So much so, I wouldn't recognise the person I was as early as last year. Like a squishy worm that has blossomed into a rad butterfly of an adult, my transition is unmistakable and apparent.
During the phases of my maturity, I've dated guys at similar stages.